Prevailing Purpose

I’ll be honest from the start, foster care was not something that we thought that we would enter into. When we started the adoption process in November of 2021, my husband and I did not have children and had the entire process mapped out in our minds. We would adopt an infant, preferably taking them home from the hospital, and it would be straightforward and easy. As you can probably imagine, that was not the path that we ended up on.

For our adoption we used a small, local foster care and adoption agency and they encouraged us to become licensed to foster. We agreed, thinking that our baby might come to us temporarily as a foster placement as details were sorted out. But after 10 months of waiting, in September 2022, they reached out to us about temporary care for a three year old boy. It was just going to be a month, his goal was reunification, and he needed somewhere safe to stay. As we listened to the placement director, it became an easy “yes.” We had a bedroom set up for an infant that could be easily altered, and clothing and toys could be obtained through a local foster care closet. Shortly after he arrived it became clear that he would stay longer than a month, in fact, he never left. The darling boy that entered into our temporary care eventually was in need of a forever home, and we joyfully said “yes” to the privilege of being his forever parents.

We would do it again in a heartbeat because it brought us our wonderful son, but it was a hard path, filled with many ups and downs. There was a period of time when seeing an incoming call from his caseworker would send my stomach plummeting, not because of her, but because it meant that something was changing. Despite this and in many ways, our son’s adoption from foster care was straightforward. He was adopted 10 months after he came into our home and he never left our care. Even at it’s most complicated, it was mild compared to what many families encounter.

The foster care system is broken, mistakes are made often, and children are not always protected as they should be. The system is complicated, laws change and vary from state to state, and you are not only interacting with children with trauma, but with their biological families who themselves come from difficult homes and have their own trauma. I have had people say to me that they could never be foster or adoptive parents, citing that it’s too hard, that they do not have it in them, and they have implied that I am somehow a better, stronger person because I am one. But reader, that could not be further from the truth.

Each person involved in this system is equal before the Lord. Each child, bio family, foster family, caseworker, judge, law enforcement, and advocate all are broken sinners in need of a savior. We each fail, allow our pride and sin to get in the way, and need as much forgiveness and grace as the next person. And the system and laws of the land, because they are made by sinners, are also broken and not always good. Yet not in spite of these things, but because of them, Christians should and must enter into this system. While some enter as foster parents, caseworkers, and advocates, it is not the only way to be involved in caring for the vulnerable.

When a child enters the system, they often come with nothing and need new clothing, bedding, furniture, toys, and school supplies. They also need friends, encouragement, and to be welcomed by not just a family, but a community. They need foster grandparents, aunts and uncles, and siblings. They need friends, a church family, and to know that all are in their corner.

Foster families need grace as they adjust, meals for their family, babysitters for date nights, a safe space to air their worry and doubts, a tight hug and shoulder to cry on, and prayer as they walk through the unknown. Caseworkers and advocates need much of the same as they oversee multiple cases, juggle visits and appointments, and advocate in court for the children under their charge. They too need support and emotional safety as they grieve and rejoice over losses and victories.

My encouragement and call to you this May then, regardless of whether you are already involved or not, is to do two things: listen and act.

Listen to the voices that are already in this space. To not just foster parents, but to bio families, to caseworkers, and advocates. To former foster children who were reunified with their bio families, who graduated out of the system, who lived in a group home, or who were adopted.

Act by finding a local foster care closet to donate new items to and volunteer at. Call the foster parents in your church and pray for them, offer to babysit, set up playdates, ask what they need. Volunteer as a CASA or befriend and mentor a teen in foster care. If you know a bio parent who has a child in foster care, give them rides to visits and appointments, encourage and support them, be a kind ear and shoulder to lean on.

You might not be called to be a foster or adoptive parent, a caseworker, or volunteer, but your time, resources, and prayers are still needed. Answer the call to advocate and care for vulnerable children and remember: everyone can do something.

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