Prevailing Purpose

Recently I have been making my way through JI Packer’s book Knowing God for a second time, and his highly referenced chapter on the adoption of the believer made me stop in my tracks. His descriptions of adoption as the greatest blessing of the gospel and the heart of the New Testament brought me to tears. As I reflected on why this impacted me so deeply, I realized how much of my life has changed since I originally read these pages.

I was a new seminary student then, weeks away from being married, and preparing for a move from Mississippi to Texas. I recall the book being a fountain of wisdom then, but I was drinking from the seminary firehose and going through so much life change that I don’t remember the book having a profound impact. Now, almost five years removed, I am settled into both counseling and ministry and we have added two little boys to our family. I realized that it was this new role of motherhood, particularly adoptive motherhood, that led me to be struck in a fresh way by Packer’s words on my own heavenly adoption.

In Love Predestined for Adoption

When I watch our sons play together I am touched by their brotherly love and I pray that they will lean on one another as they grow into manhood. When I hold them tight and kiss their cheeks goodnight, I feel the warm glow of love as I hug them until they pull away. I am also incredibly proud to be their mom. Whether it is our toddler learning the motions to scripture or our Kindergartner learning to read, my eyes brim with tears and my heart swells when I think of all the ways they are learning and growing. I am proud of them, but also proud to belong to them. Not because of what they are doing or will do, but because of who they are. My resilient, brave, and kind oldest who has overcome and grown so much in his short life. And my silly, joyful, and determined youngest who loves his family wholeheartedly.

And if this love and pride that I feel for my sons is just an inkling of what the Lord feels for his children, how much more does he love us? In the same way that I love my sons simply because they are my sons, God loves us because we belong to him. And it was because of this love that we were chosen, before the foundation of the world, to be adopted by him (Ephesians 1:4-5). There is nothing that I can do to change his love or delight in me (Psalm 18:19; Zephaniah 3:17).

For the Good of Those Who Love Him

Even in the very first days of our family, my husband noted an instant change in my demeanor when someone in a doctor or government office was creating a barrier between our kids and the care they needed. The adoption process and foster care system are notorious for this. Thankfully, a more seasoned foster/adoptive parent encouraged me early on, saying that it is quite literally our job to advocate for the children in our care whether they are there temporarily or permanently. I took this reminder to heart and now, as kindly but firmly as I can muster, I move quickly to do everything I can to ensure our kids are receiving any help they need.

This assertive, determined mom that I become is someone that my past self wouldn’t recognize. But the change in me is driven by my fierce love for my sons. Even when my anger is unrighteous and my sense of justice imperfect, the Lord uses me to provide for and take care of my children.

And if I am an imperfect reflection of God’s righteous anger and perfect judgement of justice, how much more does he fight for us? He is the God who is before, beside, and behind me (Psalm 23:4, 139:5), illuminating my path with his very Word (Psalm 119:105), and using all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Do Not Despise the Lord’s Discipline

As all littles do, my kids have big feelings and learn through their mistakes. Neither of them have trusted Christ as their personal savior yet, and thus do not have the Holy Spirit to help them navigate these feelings and mistakes. Knowing this, as I correct them for the same thing for the tenth time that hour, or watch them intentionally disobey, I don’t throw up my hands and declare, “forget it, they’re lost anyway!” Instead, I seek to correct, explain, and discipline in a way that they can comprehend. When appropriate, I may choose to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions as a learning experience, but even then there is nothing that they can do to cause me to walk out on them completely.

Instead, we are seeking (and still learning how) to parent them in a way that ultimately points to the Gospel. With the help of the Spirit, I want to be patient rather than angry and correct rather than condemn. I never want to be an obstacle to them accepting the perfect love of their Heavenly Father. I do this imperfectly and with plenty of conviction and repentance, but I am reminded that my meager attempts are just a fraction of the devotion and patience that God shows us. His conviction and correction are perfect and kind (Proverbs 3:11-12). When I have been convicted by the Spirit, I have never been screamed at (so to speak) but gently and clearly shown my sin. And though human parents run out of patience and grow weary, God never does. His love is constant (Psalm 136:26), his pursuit of us relentless (Luke 15:3-10), and his discipline perfect (Proverbs 3:11-12).

A Final Note: Familial, Not Transactional

I write all of this knowing that my mere two years of parenting pale in comparison to more seasoned parents. I am by no means a perfect parent nor have I discovered the elusive “secret of parenting.” But what I have learned from these short years is that both my attempts at loving my children well and my failures to do so ultimately point me back to a Father who loves his own children perfectly.

I never want my relationship with my kids to be transactional or performative, I want them to know that I love them for who they are-my sons. In the same way, God’s love is never transactional, but familial. He is not an authoritarian parent who makes demands and gives no explanation, but a present Father to his children who meets them where they are. He loves, corrects, and adopts us not because of who we are or what we have done, but because of who he is: faithful and kind, merciful and gracious, and relentless in his perfect and complete love.

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