Prevailing Purpose

Have you ever had someone confide in you about a difficult experience and you weren’t sure how to respond? You are certainly not alone. Thankfully, scripture offers us guidelines for how to love one another well and one of the clearest and most concise come from James 1:19-20. He writes this:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Be Quick to Hear

The best place to begin when someone is confiding in you is by listening well. Everyone has a unique set of circumstances, life experiences, personality traits, and theological beliefs, and even if you have had a similar experience to theirs, it is important not to make assumptions. Before you speak, be certain that you have an accurate understanding of their perspective and situation. If you have questions, don’t be afraid to ask them. It is often wise to seek further clarity before you respond.

Be Slow to Speak

After you have listened well and thoroughly, it is time to speak. Remember that you don’t have to have something profound to say, often a simple “I’m so sorry. How can I help you?” is the appropriate response. If you do feel led to offer advice, weigh your response carefully against scripture. If you later realize that you have said something insensitive or contrary to scripture, don’t be afraid to correct yourself and apologize.

Be Slow to Anger

In other words, be patient. If you do offer advice and they don’t act on it, don’t take it personally. Assume the best, that they are just trying to do what they feel is right. Ultimately we are not responsible for the actions of others, only for how we treat them.

Additionally, be gentle if their timeline for action or grief doesn’t match your own. How you would respond in their place would, of course, be different, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is better. You will not regret being gentle, kind, and patient, but you will regret harboring anger.

A Final Note

If the situation is dangerous or beyond your capabilities, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If someone is in danger, be quick to seek help from a trusted source and create a plan to ensure everyone’s safety. If the situation calls for professional support from a medical or mental health professional, you might offer to help them find someone or attend appointments with them. In either case, they still need your presence in their life. Being quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger are actions that are always applicable and always helpful.

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If you are walking through a difficult season and can benefit from biblical counseling, schedule a session with myself or another qualified counselor today.