Prevailing Purpose

It’s February, a dreary month that is livened up with the pink hearts and sappy love letters of Valentine’s Day. As we move through the years our outlook on the day and how we celebrate it may change, but the opportunities for disappointment and temptation for jealousy abound in every season. Consider some of these potential seasons and scenarios below:

For the single woman who desires to be married, Valentine’s Day can highlight her singleness and intensify feelings of loneliness. The temptation may be to place herself under a microscope and wonder, “what is wrong with me? Am I unlovable?”

For the woman unhappily married¹, frustration and jealousy may be the themes of the day as she scrolls through social media posts of her friends’ husbands arranging nice dinners or romantic getaways. Or the fact that they simply acknowledge and post about their wives on social media can lead to envy. She may wonder, “what did I do to deserve this?”

For the happily married woman, who does not doubt her husband’s love for her, there is still the temptation to set unrealistic or unhelpful expectations of being swept off her feet. These visions can lead to disappointment and discontentment when their well-intended spouse celebrates the day differently. Disappointment might leave her questioning, “doesn’t he know me?”

Or for the woman who is no longer married, either because they are a widow or divorced, bitterness and grief can color the day in a negative light. Whether it is longing for the past or anger over her present circumstances, she may wonder, “will I ever be in a happy relationship again?”

This is certainly not an all encompassing list, life is far too complex for that, but it does provide a snapshot of possible responses to the day. Wherever you find yourself in life on February 14th, here are a few helpful questions to consider on the holiday.

What do you want and why?

What is it that you want from the people in your life? Do you want to be praised and recognized? Do you want what “everyone else” seems to have? The desire to love and be loved is not bad, in fact, it comes from God directly. At it’s very best, marriage is a good gift and a way in which we can represent the covenant between God and the Church where we are fully known and loved. But even the best and most fulfilling marriages cannot satisfy our need to experience the love of God.

I don’t pretend to know the desires of your heart or your unconscious motivations, but God does. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you any ungodly desires and reveal the way forward.

Who can you love well today?

While Valentine’s Day is focused primarily on romantic love, it can still serve as a reminder for us to love our friends and family well. Who is a blessing in your life? A coworker, a dear friend, your kids? Let them know that you love and value them with a simple card or text.

Who might feel forgotten today? Do you have a friend in the midst of a divorce or bad break up? Consider how you might encourage them and pray for them when they come to mind. A day that highlights love can be a great opportunity to show the love of Christ to those who are hurting.

Where is your focus?

Valentine’s Day is a lighthearted, unofficial holiday that our economy takes advantage of to encourage us to spend money. Yet even for silly celebrations, there is no end to our ability to allow sin to have a foothold in our life and to succumb to the temptation to wallow in self-pity.

I know those sentences sound cynical and harsh, but please don’t mistake them for contempt for the holiday. This year I put a pink and red wreath on my front door and plan to give each member of my family a small gift. I enjoy celebrating the people I love. But I write those words only to shed light on our own depravity. When we focus only on if our expectations are met, we lose sight of the things that matter most: people and our relationship with God.

Our Highest Calling

Wherever you find yourself this Valentine’s Day, remember to look beyond the decorations and gifts. If you are a Christian, your highest calling is not to be a wife or a mother, nor is it to live a life where all of your heart’s desires are met. It is to be a follower of Jesus.

For both those who are giddy and those who are disappointed this Valentine’s Day, a wedding supper is coming in which every follower of Christ will be gathered. We will be made completely pure and blameless and united eternally with our bridegroom, Christ. Even through the most bitter disappointments that life has to offer, nothing will ever separate you from the love of Christ. All of the promises of God to us are fulfilled in him.

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1. The category of “unhappily married” only applies to those who are discontent and not in an abusive marriage or relationship. If you are being harmed in your relationship, please seek help and safety immediately. Call your local police, contact a trusted friend, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). ↩︎