Prevailing Purpose

The holiday season often comes with joyful life events, family milestones, marriage proposals, and pregnancy announcements. While it can be a fun time of year for many, it can be incredibly painful for couples walking through infertility. If you plan to share your pregnancy news to a friend or family member that you know to be experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, I want to offer three things to keep in mind as you do so.

Tell them the facts privately

Rather than telling a close friend or family member your announcement on social media, in a group chat, or at the family gathering, let them know ahead of time. Send them a private message or have a private conversation in which you allow them the space to process their emotions. You might also consider providing them with the facts of how long you have know or when you are due. This gives them the information that they need without added emotion or commentary.

You might say: “Hi friend, I wanted to share something with you in private. We found out last month that I am pregnant and am due ____.”

Tell them ahead of time

It is a terrible feeling to be the last to know and it can add to the sense of isolation they are likely already experiencing. Rather than putting off sharing your news, let them know ahead of time so that they don’t find out from someone else. Also consider letting them know who knows that you are pregnant so that they are able to talk about their feelings without spoiling the surprise for others.

You might say: “Hi friend, I wanted to share something with you in private. I am pregnant and am due ____. I plan on sharing the news in our group chat on Tuesday, but Jessica already knows.”

Lower your expectations

Whether you imagine that they will burst into tears or joyfully embrace you, I want to gently remind you to lower your expectations. Everyone experiences grief differently and their response to you may vary even throughout your pregnancy. Let them know that you don’t expect anything from them and that it’s okay if they don’t want to say anything at all.

You might say: “Hi friend, I wanted to share something with you in private. I am pregnant and am due ____. I plan on sharing the news in our group chat on Tuesday, but Jessica already knows. I know this may bring up mixed emotions, so lease don’t feel the need to respond right away. I’m here if you want to talk about anything, but completely understand if you need space.”

A word of encouragement

If you are taking the time to read this and are carefully considering how to share your news with your friend or family member, I want to thank you for your kindness. You don’t have to feel guilty about your news, pregnancy is an exciting season, and more than likely they will want to be excited for you even if they are having a hard time right now. Remember that their response is not personal and their tears are not directed at you, but at a difficult season of life. Your consideration for their feelings and your gentleness in the announcement means more than you know.

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If you are walking through a difficult season and can benefit from biblical counseling, schedule a session with me or another qualified counselor today.